Self Aware

I think it is really important to be self aware. In order to achieve this I think that I should write down thoughts like this as soon as I can for documentation. I forget who I am alot, what about the way I think and go about things that makes me unique. I think that things that I get distracted from my awareness with trying to adapt to things like relationships, schoolwork, and trying to balance the different aspects of my life. I want to keep a log of relavent thoughts and observations

Inspiring

As I continue reading Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali I continue to feel so inspired. I love how she was so oppressed and found the courage to go outside of her comfort zone and to work so hard to achieve her goals of being independent and still moral. I think it is really ironic because the people who were trying to oppress her so much ended up being the factor that motivated her to get out of her culture and to learn about new ones. I think it was also great how after she settled in Holland and got a job and started living more comfortably that she continued with her education and was always inspired to learn more. I want to be more like her.

Crafts projects I want to do

I enjoy posting pictures to motivate me/keep me looking forward to stuff so here is what I want to make eventually:
 collage handbags


 shrinky dink charms (no lie I was planning on making this exact thing for camille before I even saw this picture


friendly plastics pendants


 miranda from mass effect costume


 fabric flowers


i'm going to try to post pics of my progress as my blog/ life continues!

My Christmas List

$37.99

$32.99

  $34.99

 

$12.99

$12.99 hand held sewing Machine

Shrinky Dink Paper

embossing sheets

20 gauge wire

to make this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNWzMuRoD7s 

bead roller $12.49

 $3.50

clic-it glaze $3.00  lipLUSHus sweet grapefruit $3.95     sheer kiwi $3.50

Failure and Dieting

I am going to fail my corrections class.
The worst part about it, is that I couldn't even find the motivation to even finish my extra credit essay which in theory could have raised my grade by 6 points. While it is true that I did procrastinate until the night before to do it, it really wouldn't have made a difference either way. Here are the two options for the essay that we were given:
1. pros and cons of mandatory death sentencing
2. issues surrounding mandatory DNA evidence for death sentencing

I tried to bullshit my way through the second and find resources that are relevant, but I couldn't. I couldn't even find it in myself to try after like three hours of only getting one and a half pages of my ideas of what the issues might be. I should type up my notes, but I swear to god he NEVER went over either of these issues. On the extra credit he has the balls to begin by saying "as we discussed in class" and he didn't. I wonder how other people are going to write their essays. Maybe they have more experience from their other classes or maybe they are just smarter. I just can't do it anymore and I feel so so so so low about it. :-( I hate being a quitter but I don't have any hope.

Dieting:
I want to keep track of what I eat via my blog. I think this could shame me into not eating such crappy foods but also help me see a pattern to my eating habits.
breakfast: cheerios with sugar
lunch: yogurt with granola, banana with peanutbutter
drinks: 3 cups of coffee throughout the day
Dinner: chicken noodle soup, cucumbers, carrot slices
probably eat later: apple, cinamon toast crunch
stuff I probably shouldn't have eaten: cinamon toast crunch and yogurt

Dicks and My Existence

I don't think that my blog design will ever be as personalized and classy as Camille's but I'm going to try to learn!

Dicks:
The professor that gave me my first grade of 55 in college, and probably ever (it was on a test) and then I worked hard on my research paper (8 pages) and he gave me a C-. It especially sucks because I enjoy the actual class part. I go to class, participate alot and enjoy the discussions. I don't hate him because he gives me bad grades, but because he is not open to helping his students when they ask for it. He's not happy unless his tests are impossible to pass so there it is.
 He is also really super stupid because he doesn't listen to what you are saying. He asked us "do you think that one method of execution is more cruel than an other" and he was trying to see if we knew about the 8th amendment's protection against cruel and unusual punishment. I answered by explaining my opinion based on what I read in the literature assigned and although I don't remember what I said, I know that I did effectively explain what I was trying to. However, no matter how applicable and correct your answer is, he always asks the same question, that I answered like a thousand time as if there was something I was missing in my answer. I WAS MISSING NOTHING IN MY ANSWER
It is so annoying, even when I know that I am doing a good job and learning, I'm not going to get credit for it, EVEN IF IT IS IN THE BOOK, I never do. He's just awful.
The only thing getting me through this is the knowledge that I can succeed in all of my other classes and that I know that I am learning from the class. I guess that is what is important anyways.

My Existence:
I feel like I live kind of a lame life right now. I have alot, I'm confident, enjoying my education, I am not sad, I am happy. However, I am realizing that there is so much more that I've wanted to do for so long and I haven't done ANY of it or even made any sort of advances towards those goals that would really fufill me. I think that if I apply myself to these other extracurriculars then I can be supremely happy and have no reason to feel insecure. Anyways, some of the stuff that I want to do in general:

1. Piercings:
   a. Nose (2 on right, one on left)
   b. Belly button (3 in upside down triangle)
   c. Ears (all around my outer ears)
   d. tongue

2. Crafts projects:
   a. learn how to use friendly plastics like Linda Peterson/ make charms and beauitful jewelry with them
   b. collage wallets
   c. knitting: learn how to do different stitches, leg warmers, argyle socks, beanies, slouchy hats
   d. learn more about making nice jewelry
   e. sell crafts on ebay
   f. a whoooooole bunch of other stuff that is in a box of "to do"

3. Other
   a. I kind of want to get some new clothes
   b. write letters: grandma, monika, kelly, caroline
   c. Take pictures/ edit them
   d. edit videos

So thats all that comes to mind right now and there are a ton of other things like books that I want to read. But basically what it comes down to is that I have so many options of what I can do to enjoy the things that I want to do, and I have time but I just never do anything! I always take naps because I get tired so easily and I am terrified of being tired (mainly when I have to study or actually pay attention). I need to keep track of my habits and not sleep so much. I think i'm really just afraid to face the stuff that I have to do. Maybe I just need to bite the bullet and do it even when i'm tried, face my fears maybe.

Intro/ Other stuff

Intro: This is supposed to be a private journal for me, because typing is easier than handwriting. Maybe I can blog about other stuff, like me and Jess's weightloss/ healthy lifestyle and crafting, mabye I can get different journals for different subjects?

Alex:
I've written so many journal entries on Devin but none on Alex. I think that is because Devin is such a psychopath so I had to find a way to understand that condition and also to vent about it. I haven't written about Alex because so much of my experience with him is archived in conversations with him and letters to other people. But this is an official entry to let it be known why I am so happy with him.

I love Alex in so many ways, here are the ways that I have thought of, not in any particularly relevant order:
Brotherly: We've been living together at his home on weekends with his family, under the care and kindness of his parents, so it's like we're both sort of being taken care of by the same people. I feel like since i've gotten the opportunity to be a part of his family we are able to grow closer from experiences from living with them and I think that is really cool.

Friend: This relationship is based mainly on humor. I think Alex is so funny, his humor and his mannerisms can be hilarious and adorable and I always get a kick out of him just because he's a lighthearted guy. Also, I can talk to him about most of the things I talk to my friends about (even some girl stuff, but I try to keep that minimal) but especially about my thoughts and opinions on all sorts of things ranging from what I learn in class to my observations about our friends and family. He always listens and is supportive and he gives me in depth answers about his opinions too.

Boyfriend: Well duh i'm attracted to him. We both acknowledge though that there is this connection between us that goes way deeper than friendship. We are so appreciative of eachother and the ability to share so much together. Alex thinks that i'm not only funny but he thinks i'm cute. Cute is important because that insures that he loves me in a way that has to do somewhat with attraction. I love how he get excited about his puppies doing puppy stuff because that lets me know that he gets excited when I do cute Sarah stuff!

Soulmate: sounds extreme, maybe it is. We are a lot alike in so many ways. I listen to people talk about Alex in highschool and when he tells me his life experiences and his thoughts on them I realize that they often are so paralell to mine that it's retahded. The fact that we can be so alike but still like eachother so much I think is great.

Partner: Alex is fair and patient and can appreciate my good qualities too, so whenever i'm pretending to be bitchy or my spiteful envious side comes out I know that he can help me work on it and I also have the confidence that he sees the good stuff too. I know that he sees me as equal to him so he doesn't have a problem letting me pay when I have money, it doesn't cause the stress of him feeling bad or stressed out, and I know that we can be a team and use our resources to help eachother out when we have them. I also feel like if we both somehow end up being destitute, it may be a sad time but we can find a way to make things work because what we have is worth the effort.

This isn't to say that I am really anxious about a ton of other stuff in our relationship, that will be in a later blog when I don't have to read so much for homework. I'm glad that I finally officially got to document my feelings about Alex though!